This week has been filled with photos of mamas in different shapes, sizes and in various settings. The common thread with each of these photos has been that these mamas are breastfeeding their little sweeties. World Breastfeeding Week was from 1 August to 7 August. And while I missed that deadline, I still want to share my journey with breastfeeding.
Now, typically women are encouraged to breastfeed, but while I was pregnant most people were discouraging me! The amount of horror stories I heard was insane! I was scared, so scared. I was scared that my baby girl wouldn't latch, I was scared that she would just be drinking my blood-laced milk, I was scared that I wouldn't make enough milk, I was scared that I would become engorged and develop mastitis (I visited Dr Google after many conversations and a pregnancy seminar - and I realised that cabbage is not only meant to be eaten). I was completely freaked out and decided early on that I would get a bottle and formula feed from birth. I was never breastfed and I turned out just fine.
However, at 32 weeks my breasts started leaking. I was amazed at my body, I was already making milk! I swiftly purchased a breast pump - not to pump then, as I did not want to induce labour. However, I learnt later on that I could've saved that leaking milk in a little syringe. I read up about the many benefits of breastfeeding and how nutritious breastmilk really is and had then decided that I would definitely be breastfeeding, or at least trying.
Fast forward to the day I gave birth, and understandably being a first time mom, I had no idea what to do. This was the part nobody told me about, apparently Shelby was meant to be breastfed within the first hour after her birth. Now, once I share my birth story you'll understand how rushed that day was, but I was lying in the recovery room, numb from my boobs down and I was lost. Gersh and I didn't know what to do next, and by the time we reached the general ward, Shelby had fallen asleep on my chest. When she woke up, she was crying and looking for milk! I had no idea what to do next! A nurse heard the incessant crying and swiftly helped me get Shelby to latch. Her latch wasn't very strong and I was trying all the positions I had seen on Pinterest, but it definitely wasn't as easy as the pictures made it look, especially with a tiny baby and a very large boob! I continued feeding her and getting help from different nurses to get Shelby and I comfortable. I was in the hospital since the Sunday, and I can honestly say that the first time this little lady latched correctly was the Tuesday morning (her actual due date).
That Sunday night, they checked her sugar levels (a little finger prick under baba's foot) and noted that they were pretty low, so the nurse had to call our paediatrician and was advised to give Shelby some formula. I told the nurse that I had brought along a sterilised bottle, but she said she would show me how to cup feed instead. When I asked her why that instead of a bottle, she told me that this method wouldn't interfere with breastfeeding. With a bottle there is the chance that the baby may prefer that over the breast. Truth be told, it would've made no difference to me, but I understood her reasoning and appreciated that she had taken my breastfeeding journey into consideration.
The rest of my time in the hospital was a blur of different nurses and Gersh holding my boob while I tried to feed Shelby. By the Wednesday, when we were discharged, I had cracked nipples and new nipple shields (which Gersh got at the pharmacy - as suggested by one of the nurses, I hated them and never actually used them), but I had a baby with better sugar levels. I also met a nurse on that Wednesday morning for the first time, since she was off the weekend. She gave me the best advice ever! She suggested smooshing my boob like a hamburger or sandwich when offering Shelby breastmilk, and that worked the best. She also showed me breastfeeding positions that were actually comfortable. She took us down to the car that day and gave me all sorts of advice, without being pushy.
In the weeks that followed I felt a little lost, because Shelby was latching, then letting go as soon as my letdown started. Also, I would have such a strong letdown on the boob that was not in use, that my breastpad and bra would be soaked! And the smell, oh the smell! I had no idea what was happening. I decided to get hold of one of the lactation consultants our paed suggested, and I was so glad when she visited our house the Saturday when Shelby turned 2 weeks old. She weighed Shelby, checked her latch, asked me about her birth and then offered practical advice and tips. She was the one who told me about a Hakaa, so I checked online and ordered a similar product from MamaMoo (this only arrived when Shelby was 8 weeks because of the courier service, but it was a lifesaver when it eventually arrived). She also advised that I shouldn't bottle feed her until 6 weeks, to avoid nipple confusion.
I went forward a little wiser, and more encouraged. I was even more pleased when we went for Shelby's 6 week check-up and she was already over 4kgs, all because of the milk I was able to make to nourish her! A week later, we started giving Shelby breastmilk in a bottle, after seeing the lactation consultant again for a breast pump demo. However, we had a minor setback at 8 weeks, where Shelby ended up in hospital for 5 days with an infection and this stalled our bottle feeding journey a bit, as she then refused it after being discharged.
As my return to work was approaching, the bottle was becoming a bit of a nightmare and I had several different ones at this point. At 5 months she would only take my breastmilk from a freakin' R20 sippy cup, not the expensive Pigeon Peristaltic bottle nor any of the others! I returned to work, and continued exclusively breastfeeding. I would pump during my admin periods at school, or during break times and store the milk in the fridge, along with my pump (ice packs were my best friend). It helped to have a supportive principal and colleagues, I was never forced to pump in a bathroom stall or in my car!
I breastfed and pumped for 7 months, and after a visit to the paed after an allergic reaction (will go into detail about the testing in another post) to some yoghurt, we started supplementing Shelby's feeds with soy-based formula. This is when she finally started taking the bottle, and she would drink from every, single bottle I bought! However, my breastfeeding journey came to an end in November 2019, after I had to be hospitalised for 6 days with a fractured ankle. I was pumping every day and sending the milk home, but after my operation I had to pump and dump due to the morphine and codeine I had been prescribed (codeine is exceptionally dangerous for little babas, and paracetamol was just not cutting it). Sadly, Shelby was weaned because I wasn't with her. I was so sad and miss breastfeeding so very much, but feel incredibly blessed to know that my body could sustain a little life.